6-7-98

Dear Friends and Family

Today was the culmination of childhood for my firstborn son. The journey that began eighteen long years ago when he was laid into my arms has reached another its terminus. On his coming journey, he will sail alone into ports that will hold all the good and evil, pain and joy that the world can offer, and it will be his call whether or not he can find safe harbor.

We came back from an afternoon of graduation, and a small celebration with friends, and I took off my dress and found the wad of tissues I had stuffed into my bra, “just in case”, still waiting for the tears that never came. I was so unsure how this passage would move me, and didn’t want to be without should the need arise. Testimonial time. No problem with sadness, right now at least.

What a surprise – I feel absolutely terrific. Not melancholy over the childhood past, but exhilarated over the adulthood future – what a lucky man he is! He goes into his life with skills and thoughts and humor and dreams and love – how many of us can say that? I am so proud to be able to share with him so many parts of his life – he is indeed a remarkable young man. The speeches at the graduation were wonderful – another surprise – and meaningful. They really made the day a celebration rather than a funeral. So often the case for these moments of transition.

The talk went on and the day was, for the most part, generous. The overcast skies and general drippy skies which had intermittently promised rain for the outdoor graduation only finally succumbed during the second half of diploma presentations – not so bad. We had fortunately succeeded in finding a group of chairs located under a large overhang. Of course, I was out on the edge of the balcony taking candids, so it didn’t matter to me. The general mood was euphoric. The kids themselves are fabulous – I think the future will be okay, if they are any indication. A terrific group of thinking and caring individuals with enough ideas to fill the 21st century with wonderful new ideas and inventions.

And as I stood on the balcony, in between the gaggle of juniors who had come to preview their life and say goodbye to friends, I was reminded of the words of Kahlil Gibran, And I remembered so very many times that have brought us to the present time. And I was reminded of how hard I had tried to make evaluations and overall concepts when he was a tiny thing, so that I would have something to refer to, over time, to see where I stood. Some sort of landmark to gauge the importance of events.

I thought then that the very most important thing was to raise an independent individual. One who was not afraid of anything, and yet had common sense enough to know their own limitations. Me and my crazy ideas, I thought about what the journey was like, and I imagined it like so:

So I thought about how a child has this insatiable need to walk wherever there is a little wall or curb. You know how they always run to walk the length of any raised surface? So I thought about childhood like that wall. A wall that starts off, at birth, as a sidewalk, where you walk and you carry the child. But soon a little curb starts and you put the child down and hold their hand and they begin to walk on their own little path.

So you walk next to them, one parent on each side of this wall-curb that keeps growing taller, and soon they don’t want you to hold their hand anymore. And they keep walking, and you keep on beside them, to make sure that you are there to break their fall, should they lose their balance. Catching them, you can put them back up and let them continue to walk on their own anyway. The wall keeps getting taller, but they keep gaining proficiency, so you can relax your guard and not pay such close attention. The reason being that when you get to the end of that wall (today we reached it, I think), they have had lots and lots of practice and know how to steady themselves should the need arise.

This in direct contrast to my own experience, where I felt that there was a sudden change where there was no one to guide you, after you had not been even given the chance to make a mistake or two along the way. It surely made the transition tough and the world seem such a large and cold place. I think its better to have a chance to practice so you have some idea what you’re doing. At any rate, that is a short summary of the goings on in my brain today.

But I did want to share with you the reading from the Prophet, a book I loved so very very much.

I love the piece on children, and so I want to include it here for you, in case you haven’t read it in a long time, or never had the chance to read it.
I include it here:

On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”

And he said:

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I am glad today. New experiences await us all. What an exciting time of life this is.

Love to all of you.

Susan

5-27-1998

Dearest friends and family

It is now 5:30 in the morning and I am unable to sleep another wink. (This may come as a shock to those who know me really well, but I swear its the truth! my stomach is full of butterflies and my dreams are filled with clear and visible visions!) Yesterday I got a call that the corrective eye surgery which I have been planning to have has been approved and the probable date is June 22. I will know for sure by Friday, but am ecstatic just thinking about it.

The surgery is actually one which has been used in conjunction with cataract surgery for over 30 years, where a contact lens is implanted in the eye in front of your own lens (cataract surgery involves the removal of the bad lens and replacement with an artificial lens). This corrects the vision and (best case) you have no need for glasses. The use of this technique as a stand-alone surgery is new, and therefore I am participating in an FDA approval study (thanks to my adorable, wonderful Stanley Postar!!!- whom I adore)(will this get me any further discounts, Stan? – I could say I worship you, too, if you’d like) This will significantly reduce the fiscal burden of the procedure (isn’t that a nice way to say its cheap?) as well as allow me to further the cause of science (they didn’t want my brain). Unfortunately, I will have to wear glasses for the three weeks preceeding the surgery, as the refraction that they will do prior to surgery will determine what correction the implanted lenses will have, and the curvature of the eye, etc., which is affected by the lens, needs to “undo” itself in that time. Since my coke bottle glasses weigh a ton, that is a drag, but one that I am more than willing to undergo. But I can still complain about it, right?

The surgery is done one eye at a time, at a distance of six months. It will require a fair amount of visits to Los Angeles, before, during and after each surgery. Probably (knowing me) I can incorporate visiting into each appointment and spend a few days for each one hour visit. Sounds like a plan to me 🙂 . I am working on making this year one into which I can fit seeing everyone whom I have neglected, and make them good and fun visits – none of this in and out for a cup of coffee kind of visiting. 🙂 – Let’s do lunch!

I wanted to share with you my fantasy – to be able to enter a restaurant, look around, and SEE the faces at the tables clearly, so I can tell if the person I am looking for is actually there (it is so frustrating to only be able to see a sea of fuzzy round balls – and I know I look ridiculous trying to scan the distance to find someone – waiting for that new, improved radar). Since I have worn glasses since the age of one, it is something I have never actually experienced, only dreamt about. But I have a good imagination, and have pasted together what it might be like in my head. WOW – would that be amazing!!! So make sure you take the time to be grateful for the gift of sight, if you have it. 🙂

Naturally, this event immediately preceeds what I found out yesterday will be Daniels Orientation date at UC San Diego, the 23rd and 24th of June. Actually, he just wants to go down there with his girlfriend and have me get lost anyway, so maybe I can accomodate. Sara has a bunch of plans that include my getting lost as well, although I am far less apt to go along with those particular plans. Sorry, Sara!

Shlomo is indeed going to Japan for a four month stint beginning June 9, right after Daniels graduation. Its a wonderful opportunity for him career-wise, and I think will prove to be a good move. Unfortunately, Sara and I will not be able to join him, as the accomodations there are dormitory style for this particular appointment. That combined with the typhoon season and excessive heat have convinced me not to make it an issue. Unfortunately that will mean that we won’t be together for our 25th anniversary ( CAN U believe it?), but we’ll just have to save the celebrating till we reach our 50th. 🙂 Honestly, it will be difficult, but we will manage somehow. He returns mid September for a conference in Palm Desert for a week or two, so its really only three months. Of course, the conference coincides with Daniels beginning of school week, but we will manage to work out something. What an exciting year this is turning out to be! Can hardly believe how the time has flown, but have managed to adjust my psyche to the inevitable. I am proud and happy that he is ready to fly, and I know he is competent, responsible and a heck of good guy. Besides, I happen to really adore him – mind you, it is a very objective view I hold, even if I AM his mother. 🙂 Never argue with anyone’s mom! – we are all tigers with our brood.

So the summer stretches out ahead, full of possibilities. I look forward to all the wonderful new experiences that await us just around the bend – can hardly believe how far we’ve come. Am planning to do something for Sara’s Sweet 16 sometime in August – although I don’t know what yet. Considering a musical barbeque soiree – everyone invited – which is sounding pretty good to me. I will keep you posted. I am not 100% positive of my dates yet, but I fully intend to make full use of every single visit to LA – I want to catch up on all my neglected friends.

I hope that your week brings you as many wonderful and exciting surprises as this one has to me.

This email carries with it all of my Joy and Excitement, that it might bring some into your life as well.
My heartfelt Love to each and every one of you

Susan

03-14-98

Wow! I can hardly believe how fast the time is going. In another two months or so the school year will draw to a close. This summer, the last one before college, will be different than all the rest, as it will truly mark a change in all our lives. I have spent some time reflecting on this upcoming event over the past few months. Interestingly enough, this whole time has been underlined by Daniel’s first real injury, a broken leg, which forced him into a renewed relationship as the drivee, as I resumed my primary role as the driver. It has stimulated thought and conversations with a renewed vigor, underlining for me the wonderful gift that being a parent is ( okay, its a lot of responsibility, too, but worth it all twice over).

Funny, I felt so free when he started to drive. It really took a lot of the drudgery out of my life- and I thought I’d never miss chauffering kids around. Boy, was I mistaken. Seems to me the days have never been quite so sweet. The morning his leg was set, I took him out to breakfast. Haven’t done that here in Alameda, just the two of us, since he was little. It was so nice. Had a good conversation, some joking, some serious – just nice. The day before I had been in the car with Sara, taking her to or from her Sunday job, and she asked me if I knew what her favorite place in the whole world was. Naturally, I didn’t have a clue. She said it was in the car alone with me. Wow! blew me over again. She said she loved being the center of attention and focus, and that she always felt that way when we drove somewhere together. It made me stop and think. Once again. She really is something special, so much insight, so much wisdom – in a package full of silly.

Somehow it has highlighted this short time when I am again the primary chauffeur. Daniels cast is off – the doctor said to give it two weeks before he drives again and I am working on stretching it. He is itching to be back again as master of his own destiny. Maybe a couple more days…We had this conversation the other day, concerning college. He told me how just a few short months ago the whole thing had loomed in front of him scary and threatening, but that now he was ready to go. Tonite. Tomorrow. OUT OF HERE. Ready to move into his own life. That means that the big goal – a competent and independent individual – is a reality -we’ve done a good job. The part that has got me by the throat is the enormity of how wrenching a fact that is to me. I told him that he didn’t need to wish it away (uh oh, I sound like my mother again), soon enough the time would come. And that nothing would ever be the same again. It would be good, bad or whatever – but it would really begin to be his life – a life that didn’t necessarily include us in all the details. I am getting myself ready. Sometimes late at night I get teary thinking how much I will miss him, reviewing in my minds eye all of the little boys that he was, the darling two year old – full of wonder, the magician at six, the joker at ten, at thirteen a serious and dedicated individual – each one of them a part of the man (I can hardly believe it) he has become.

I told him that maybe this time was special and that he should savor it. He should try to breathe in whatever it is that he has here, because maybe it will give him some strength in this next segment that is so quickly approaching. I think maybe he understood. I offered to teach him whatever I can to help him with that transition. We have agreed to a laundromat date or two, and he promised to take some dancing classes (supposedly for his sister). He will get the short course in dishwasher loading and operation. I try to figure out what information will prepare him best for the road ahead. Its not an easy job, this parenting thing. I finally understand that the letting go really isn’t as easy as I once imagined it.

I reflect on my own feelings when I left home, my eagerness to be free, the mantras of poetry and song I carried with me in my heart, and I try to put everything right, so I will be ready when the time comes.

But oh, it goes so fast.

(Thank goodness for email)

Love,

Susan

1-4-1998

To all of our friends and family!

1998 – Another Year to begin fresh and new. I take this opportunity to drop you a line – just to keep in touch. AND NOW FOR THE NEWS! – Shlomo continues his work, with the occasional casino break. He visited Sicily (for a conference in Erice) and Israel with Daniel last summer (which he enjoyed) and spent some days in China in October (which he didn’t). Another quick trip to Chicago – where I joined him for a few days, was quite pleasant. We joined a neighborhood health/country club in September, and he and Daniel have been very good about going regularly. They are beating each other up on the racquetball courts several times a week, and enjoying it. He is studying and learning and writing out lots and lots of equations on pieces of paper all over the house. Things are pretty normal there.

Daniel’s year included lots of travel. With me, he went on trip to New Orleans, where he was taken out on the town by a friend – they painted it a bright shade of crimson. With Shlomo, he went to Sicily and Israel, where he saw his grandfather for the first time since he was 11, and visited lots of family and friends, which he quite enjoyed. I think it was a good experience for the two of them, and seemed to bring them somewhat closer. At Thanksgiving we went to Los Angeles, which even he (the critic) enjoyed…a lot. Several “professional” (paying) gigs in jazz clubs, junior prom, the long and arduous process of college applications (we will know more in May, when replies are due) and a lot of physical and mental growth. On our annual ski trip over winter break, he managed to take a number of ski lessons…up to level 7, carving…I think at level 8 they hire you. He loves to ski, and now tells me he feels a lot more in control. Considering how fast he goes, that is somewhat reassuring. Not to be forgotten…braces finally came off, to reveal a wonderful smile (we forgot it existed). He is filling out and losing that skinny look he had last summer. I think he’s adorable. He thinks that’s just because I’m his mother. Oh well, I wish I only knew half as much as he does ( maybe I once did. – Hmmmmm )

Sara had a good year…she made a lot of progress in many areas…she made honor roll and lots of great friends. She took a fashion design class at California College of Arts and Crafts in the summer and took three weeks of Life Drawing, where she revealed a beautiful talent. She and I took a car trip while Shlomo and Daniel were in Israel, and visited with some friends and family. We had a good time and made some nice memories. The next item on her agenda is Drivers Ed and Drivers Training. It’s a good thing Shlomo has a strong heart. I HATE this phase…scares me half to death. Sara has grown into a poised young woman who ss full of energy, loves to dance and is a caring friend. On our ski trip she decided she wanted to learn how to snowboard, and pestered us day and night until finally Shlomo relented and got her lessons. Through the bruises and the bumps, she worked for three solid days until she was pretty well able to make it down green runs without falling. Although no one could touch her anywhere for several days thereafter (I think a pillow strapped to the butt might have been a useful piece of equipment) she never complained. Shlomo feels that she should work on skiing black diamonds, because she is ready. But she thinks boarder guys are cuter, so naturally… She took a break from gymnastics, but returned to her Tuesday/Friday schedule and is now trying to fit a Saturday ballet class into her schedule. It isn’t easy. Mondays are the only day she doesn’t have extra activities, but she still has plenty of homework. She still works Sunday mornings doing childcare at the Greek Orthodox Church, so all she needs is another day in the weekend – and then maybe one more so she can kick back and take a day off. All in all she has been doing well and working hard. This past Saturday she attended the Winter Ball with her first blind date. Preparations for the mammoth event nearly wore me out.

As for me, I wound up Caspi Kids for good, liquidating all inventory and dissolving the corporation, while doing some travel sales on the side, which has been fun and interesting. To occupy my mind I have been working on developing my artistic and creative side. I have been taking a realism class with Sara on Thursday nites, as well as trying to make a habit of writing. Maybe if I have incredible good fortune I will get something published this year. Wouldn’t that be a gas! I passed the one year mark for quitting smoking, and am now one of those obnoxious people who waves their hands around in the air when they get near smokers. What has this world come to? I have managed to beat the asthma that I got after quitting, and am now off all inhalers and other drugs especially those awful steroids they love to prescribe for asthma. I am working on removing the deposit the combination of steroids and smoking cessation left on my behind as well. All this in between lots and lots of laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. Got to pamper everyone or they wouldn’t know how precious they really are. I have also spent a lot of time pondering the essence of the universe. I have experienced a number of epiphanies, which have left me feeling awestruck and yet somewhat depressed, as I am able to see with crystal clarity all the things that I needed to know twenty some years ago. Doesn’t mean it can’t be better now, though…infinite possibilities. An exciting event may be upcoming soon…as I think I will be participating in an FDA second stage study of ocular implants. This might mean I could see without glasses, as contact lenses will be implanted within my cornea. This will occur, if it does, in LA, and will require follow-up visits as well, so I will let the Los Angelinos know what develops. However, the possibility that it could possibly be true has buoyed my spirit more than I can say. The children are the greatest treasures one could hope for. I am grateful for the many gifts I have been given. So I begin this year with lots of hope for the surprises that await me.

As Joan Baez once sang “who knows where the time goes?” I sure don’t. It was a good year. This coming year promises to be full of new and exciting milestones as well….February will bring Daniel’s 18th birthday, April and May will be full of college replies and that decision…, June will be graduation, August will bring our 25th wedding anniversary ( it really is hard to imagine, isn’t it?) and Sara’s Sweet Sixteen, September will mean that Daniel leaves for college. And that’s how it looks from here. God willing, all these events will come to pass, and many more interesting ones as well. I imagine we’re just about to enter the wild and wooly world of young love too…we shall see. That is about it for now.

All our love to you

Susan, Shlomo, Daniel and Sara Caspi

11-30-97

Another Sunday story…

Well, here it is Sunday again. Not too many more left in this year. I think my favorite year was 66….there was just something special about writing those sixes next to each other…maybe its just because I was young and thought silly thoughts, who knows. But every year at this time that thought crosses my mind…go understand.

In those days, I never had a book far from my side, and spent most nights reading long past the time when everyone had gone to bed. I remember my mother would come into my room at least five times a night to scream at me to “go to sleep, already!”. OH! I LOVED to read, you get the idea. So the fact that I could never get my daughter interested in reading has been a continual puzzlement.

So just imagine my surprise when I went to pick her up from her job today and found her sitting, engrossed, in a book. I sat in my car and watched her with amazement. Five whole minutes passed before she even glanced up and saw me, which she said was due more to the fact that she heard my car, which is distinctive to her. It made me so happy to see that level of involvement and I made no bones about it. Right there. Right away. Told her how great it made me feel that she was reading because she wanted to read. I guess that comment opened her up, and she approached me on another subject that evidently had been sitting on her mind.

You see, we went to my cousin Vicki’s house for Thanksgiving. There were a ton of people there, and everyone had an absolutely super time. Sara has always been especially interested in family, and seemingly has never been able to get enough to fill her up. She continually asks me who her cousins are, where they live, when we can see them, who is her age, and so on and so on. She felt a tiny bit ill at ease in the beginning, but everyone, especially Vicki’s daughters, Ari and Jamie, went out of their way to pull her in and include her, which helped her get over her shyness. So I am not expecting this next comment.

She tells me two things. First, she tells me how my cousin Vicki, her husband and her parents told her how pretty she is. Even that my uncle told her she will most certainly be among the three prettiest girls in her class by the time she graduates high school. I think this is awfully nice, and I am touched by the effort to bolster her confidence. The next thing she says to me is; “I feel funny, that attention is supposed to go to Ari and Jamie”. and then; “I feel kind of bad, because they are supposed to focus on them, not me”. No matter how much I question her what she means, she cannot answer me exactly. I am confused by her comment and am unable to find the right question to ask her to understand what exactly she is trying to tell me. But I need to do the marketing and cook dinner, so we move on.

Four hours later, the groceries are put away, things are boiling on the stove, and all of a sudden it hits me. It makes HER jealous when I pay attention to other people. So she assumes that it makes others uncomfortable when attention is paid to her. I must remember how much a child she still is, no matter what she looks like on the outside. I also have another incredible revelation – no wonder no one could ever understand my commentaries or me. It took me several hours of ponder to understand what that even meant, because I knew it meant something.

The only thing I wasn’t sure of is if my conclusions were true. The only way to find out was to ask her. I was reminded of all the times in the past when she “gave” me the keys to understand her like this, and how I used them to open doors for future conversations. So I asked her, gently, and after a little bit she admitted to me that she felt jealous if I paid attention to anyone else. What a surprising revelation…I must admit I was rather surprised by the entire thought.

What a mystery job this is, parenting. To try and figure out, with a minimum of clues, what is going on in someone else’s brain. In order to intervene at the proper time and correct the conclusions that have been arrived at in error. I score on this one.

Love

Susan

11-24-97

How time flies…

It must have already been two weeks ago that we finally got around to giving Sara a birthday party for her 15th (I know her birthdays in August, we’re just a little slow, thats all). She was finally ready, everybody was free, and so it was a go. The question was…what to do. Skating, bowling, movies, arcades, magic shows, etc…..we’d been there before. So I suggested an idea that I first heard and laughed at years ago….a formal dinner party for the girls. She loved the idea, but insisted on a sleepover as well. I agreed on the condition that there would be a maximum of twelve invitees. The phone began to buzz with plans; what to wear, etc….

I realized early on that these girls talk plenty more than they eat, and that the food was probably the least important component of this party. So I turned my attention to everything else. I got Daniel and a friend to dress nicely and act as waiters (cute boys are always welcome everywhere…) and did my shopping at Costco. Various ready-made hot hors d’oevres and cold with Martinellis sparkling “champagne” cider I thought would take them through the “happy hour”. For dinner, a pretty salad course, a soup (powdered), frozen ravioli, precooked shrimp and nuked veggies in addition to dessert was decided upon. We felt that the artistic arrangement of the food was twice what the food itself was (by the way, that turned out to be all too true). I pulled out the crystal, china and silver to make the table look formal. Some garden roses highlighted with bowls of floating candles were added for “mood”.

At six the girls began to arrive…in their party dresses, shining heels, sparkling faces….they were absolutely adorable. The boys began to circulate with trays of hors d’oevres and glasses filled with “champagne”. They were thirstier than anything else, and I can tell you that the little lushes finished four bottles before the evening was out. I think the constant patter necessitated at least half the drinking.

At seven they were seated at the table, and the courses began to run in and out. As I had predicted, the amount of food eaten from each course was about two spoons worth, but the funniest part was how the girls admired the food I had made. The soup, a mix of two powders spiked with sherry, was the most delicious they had ever tasted. Ravioli, with bay shrimp and frozen vegetables (arranged nicely) was treated like a gourmet feast unlike any they had ever known (and the only thing they consistently finished was the 4 raviolis on their plate)…..it really made me laugh to hear them talk. Meanwhile, the boys and I were frantically arranging plates in the kitchen and absolutely rolling in hysterics as the shrimp and pearl onions went flying through the air.

The dirty plates were piling up and piling up. Sara had insisted that she wanted a fruit tart for dessert and had promised to make it, as I had told her I would serve, nicely, anything that she picked, but that I wasn’t really “cooking”. Naturally, getting ready took so much time that I ended up responsible for the fruit tart…actually, she made the first batch of dough, but I happened to lick my finger and realized that she had literally dumped the baking powder into the recipe. I advised her not to serve a dessert with a crust as salty as an old sailor, and reluctantly volunteered to remake it myself. She had prepared all the fruits, and I was to roll out and bake the crust, make the pastry cream, and assemble.

Well, I did make the crust. In fact, I made two recipes, because she had cut up so much fruit. I did this before the girls arrived and put them in the refrigerator to cool. After the soup was served, I rolled out the first pastry circle and put it in to bake. When it was golden brown I took it out of the oven to cool. I realized soon after that the importance of first greasing the cookie sheet. It was firmly stuck in the middle and had no intention of budging. I tried using various spatulas, but it simply set the crust to begin crumbling, like the cookie that it was. Recalling my days at the pottery wheel, I decided that a length of floss, held firmly and run under the cookie crust would loosen it. I called Daniel, and admonished him to hold firmly to the cookie sheet. He did, and as I ran the floss under the crust, it crumbled in place. We could barely control ourselves. Daniel kept making little remarks like “Gee, that was a GREAT idea, mom!” “Worked like a charm, it did!” and the more comments he made the more I collapsed in a heap, giggling. At this point, the kitchen crew was crying tears from so much laughter….I sent them out to refill the “champagne” glasses while I thought of a new idea. We pulled out another bunch of plates and started cutting up the fruit I had that was still intact, and pieces of cheese and tiny frozen eclairs, which we microwaved. As all of this was finally arranged on plates, I sent them out to the dining room with it, which they did. The girls were so engrossed in conversation, they could have been served gumballs and it would have been fine. What a cacaphony of chatter! They were bubbly and effervescent, far more than any bottle of champagne ever was. It was a delight to hear them.

Shortly thereafter they all changed into their pajamas and went out to bounce on the trampoline, laughing and chatting all the while. I turned my attentions to the wreck that the kitchen had become, and began to make order. The boys were thanked and dismissed with their movie entries and snack money, and disappeared promptly. The second cookie crust turned out better and was finished and set out. The girls returned to eat yet another dessert (they had been saving room for this all along). (By the way, they did, between running in and out all night, finish up every crumb of the first shortbread circle).

This touched off another giggling round of discussions from the dining room, which I could hear clearly from the now-empty kitchen. And as I was busy doing the dishes, I listened to their chatter, not as words or thoughts, but almost as music, and it spoke to me in a way I never heard before. I heard, in their voices, the hopefullness, the unbridled energy, the bright future that awaits each of them today. Before their hearts are ever broken or their hopes ever really crushed, as they meet whatever Life has to dish out to each of them. And I realized how fleeting this time is. So I sat down to listen to it, and hear whatever it had to say, to savor and keep as a memory.

So I sat down on a chair in the kitchen to listen to them, and was reminded of all the like moments we have already passed…the excited “look at me” stage of early childhood, when the din of their impatient demands were so cute one couldn’t help but smile. And I realized, perhaps for the first conscious time, how absolutely we are past that stage, and how soon this, too shall pass. I was grateful for the opportunity I had been given, to be stopped in my tracks to look and see how precious this time really is. So easily we get engrossed in this and that and forget to stop and see those things. It was such a sweet moment I thought I’d share it with you.

Thats all the news for now…….I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving…

Love,

Susan

11-2-97

1997 …. October madness

Halloween has come and gone yet one more year. And once more I have been amazed that at 15, Sara is actually not yet old enough to let go of that fine tradition of trick or treating. This is a truly candy-deprived child who may still be telling me what she wants to be for Halloween while we discuss graduation parties, college courses, and, who knows? bridesmaids…

At any rate, I find myself yielding, in the end, every year, to make her whatever it is she has decided to be. And each year, for several years now, I have made a rather supreme effort, as I feel, yet again, that it is the “last time” we go through this routine. At any rate, this year she wanted to be a Hollywood movie star…of the 50’s….Doris Day? I ask her???NO!!!! something glamorous!!! And I am reminded of Jane Deering in a langorous pose….well, we’ll check the Salvation Army and see what we can come up with, I promise.

We weren’t the only ones with the same idea, and by the time we hit the local store, the only piece I can come up with that sort of fits the bill….is a mint green bridesmaids dress from montgomery ward. Worn only once, I am sure. It is made of doubleknit polyester, with chiffon sleeves that sport decorative rhinestone trim at the raglan. Charming, but it fits…..

She disagrees with me that it looks elegant, although I have assured her movie starlets would have died for a dress like this…….maybe they did???……and decides to ask everyone elses opionion, as I am obviously NOT to be trusted. After asking everyone what it reminds them of, and everyone hemming and hawing, then asking in a wavering manner….. a fairy??????? she decides NOT to be a movie star, but to follow the green theme, and be a flower fairy, or the spring fairy, or some such.

With her short curls, it seems perfect. I slash the dress into a Mary-Martinish Peter Pan….then add lots of glittery green paint and green rhinestones. With the addition of some dyed green tights, green felt elf shoes, a “magic” wand and a floral wreath with silver star tinsel, the transformation is complete. With green ribbons trimming everything, and her face washed with glitters, she looks the perfect pixie. We even add a bag of “fairy dust” so she can annoy people completely.. She is off for another year of silliness and high spirits. To my amazement, she goes out with around ten of her classmates……the whole group is unwilling to give up this ritual of childhood. They have a fabulous time, and are up till all hours in what we jokingly call a “sleepover”

Meanwhile, I am invited to a performance of the Count Basie Jazz Orchestra with tap greats like the Nicholas Brothers and Donald O’Connor, among others, both old and new. It is a terrific evening…..and one of the performers, who has been in show business for 70 years….taps for over 30 minutes. I am exhausted watching him……..it was great!

Saturday was a winding down and a quiet day, with parties at night……and now its Sunday again. Another moment to sit and reflect on how these moments mark the passage of childhood…and its highlights…

So I guess I don’t really mind making another Halloween costume, if it keeps that lineage going for just a little longer……I know I’ll miss it when it gone.

Love,

Susan