8-14-98

Dear Family and Friends

Well, here it is already the middle of August. I do have SOME news regarding my eye surgery, as to what kind (clear lens extraction – the cataract type) only not just yet a date. Actually, this is an easier option, as it allows me to have my eyes done at MY convenience (a three or four week interval between – rather than six months) and removes the obligations of tons of visits to LA over a two year period. Just the two days it takes to recover from surgery, and I will be better than new. So I am just waiting to confirm on a date. I was hoping to do it next Thursday, but as of this writing, the fact that I have not yet heard back from them makes me believe that it is not to be in August, as after next week my time will be spent laughing and cooking with my wonderful friends from New Orleans. We are having a smallish get-together for Sara’s Sweet 16 on the 29th – and you are welcome to join us if you are free. I meant to just do something minor, but….well….I have a hard time w/quantities – so the list of invitees grew and grew – and then the menu grew and grew – and then the entertainment did the same. So as it stands now, I expect a crowd of about 80 – for music, merrymaking and good eating. But there is ALWAYS room for you!!! I am sure the party will be a subject of one of my early September letters – but its so much better if you actually get to experience it yourself.

On another note, the plans and summer obligations are progressing well.Today Daniel had his wisdom teeth out. I didn’t think too much of it, as I had mine out when I was twenty or so, and really, except for the grogginess of the first day and all the swelling, it wasn’t such a big deal. But when we got to the oral surgeons office, he was running late and so we waited and waited. I realized that Daniel had begun to get nervous, and started to try and harrass me continually in the waiting room. I decided finally that my presence was somehow making him worse, at least I think so, and decided to let him wait alone, as it was probably only another ten minutes or so till they called him in, as we had already been there almost an hour. So I left and went to have some coffee across the street. By the time I returned he was already in surgery, so I listened to my book on tape and sat and waited. I actually had no angst over the procedure, as I did not feel it was any big deal at all.

Finally, he was out of surgery and in the recovery room and they told me I could go in to see him. I guess when I saw him, eyes closed, face all puffy like a prize fighter with swollen lips, lying there motionless – I must have jumped or something. Because the nurse immediately gave him a tap on the foot and said “open your eyes so your Mother can see you’re alive”. He did, and it made me feel better. But that first reaction, it was scary. That imperceptible remnant of the umbilical that links him to me still got a stiff tug. It was not at all what I expected, or have experienced to date. I thought about how the one who they cut the cord for is the BABY. The side that is attached to the mother is, I think, impenetrable by such earthly objects as scalpels or scissors. But as he moved and opened his eyes the moment passed, thank goodness for small favors.

However, genetics do spin out. As soon as he recovered enough to sit up (another ten minutes) he wanted OUT of there and LETS GO EAT! I let the doctor fight with him, I have been on his end of that argument too many times to step in myself. I ALWAYS want OUT!!! But they made him stay another half hour to make sure he wasn’t going to ??? who knows what those doctors want, anyway. By the time we returned home it was past one o’clock and the boy was out of his mind with hunger, although his entire face was still numb. I didn’t want him biting his tongue or something, so I suggested we start with some fruit.

I got out the food processor and made him a puree of canned peaches. Down the hatch. Then cottage cheese. Next a big tray of (gag me) pureed macaroni and cheese. Finally a big bowl of tomato soup. Was he full? No, not yet, but he decided it would hold him for a bit. Well, I guess it didn’t affect his appetite any. Made me laugh, the big silly. Anyway, its evening now and he seems to be just fine. I know that by tomorrow he will feel a little bit stiff and a little bit sore, but for the most part, its all behind him.

And maybe he won’t have the same phobic reactions I do to doctors and to hospitals. I just can never get away fast enough. Or I don’t bother to go in the first place….funny thing about that. When I was down in Los Angeles for my eye exam, Henry commented to me how much the eye doctor stuff didn’t bother me, and I told him how it was like – no big deal. Then I told him how even when I had my surgery, when I was six, I never even stayed overnight in the hospital. And just like that, I remembered how, at the time, they had wanted me to stay the night before in the hospital. With the surgery was scheduled for like, 7am, and pre-op probably taking at least an hour. But my mother had made this huge deal about it being scary FOR ME to stay in the hospital, so they would get me there whatever time they said.

I never realized why I so abhor hospitals. I walk in and feel like the walls are closing in around me. I figured it was because of all the time I spent in them while my mother was sick. But that makes no sense, if I really stop to think about it, as Daniel was born before that. And I found out just how deep my hospital thing is when I went in with him. I got to the hospital, and my labor stopped. With Sara too – and I waited till I was almost too late to get there with her. Hmmm… live and learn. I guess that Maybe it wasn’t My thing after all. Lots of stuff to realize and to sort through. Interesting, always interesting.

At any rate, the boy is just fine. The girl is just fine. And me too.

Love and kisses

Susan